Are mommies allowed to be a little wild?

"Becoming a mother changes everything," I was told on endless occasions when I was expecting Big Princess. Well-meaning other women were inquiring when we were going to give our dog away, advising me to quit riding and hiking in the woods.

"There will be new things that are actually important" said a next-door lady after inquiring on my intentions regarding my horses. I would have quite happily ripped of her head or at least big hand fulls of hair for saying that - pregnancy hormones + someone being an disagreeable = not good.

I did (and still do) my best not to follow their advice. I rode with my beloved Uppa all the way to seven moths of being pregnant, and spent several nights during winter and spring (=freezing cold) sleeping in a lean-to. Only weeks before Big Princes' first birthday we did have to put our beloved 14 years old dog to sleep, but only a few days of mourning showed that we need a dog in the house. And by Big Princes' first birthday we found Iitu.  Before Little Princes was born we even outrageously got a second dog, Louhi.

There has always been an untamed spot in my soul. Well a huge chunk rather than a spot.  I need my share of the silent song of a forest, wading in deep snow, riding-trips and stable work to feel even somewhat like a human being. So every now and then I simply abandon my Princesses with their Daddy and run away with mixed feelings of pure joy, relief and guilt.

I suppose the idea that you need to reject everything you are in order to become a Real Mother has sunk in a bit too well. Yet I know with utter certainty that after a two-hour riding trip I will come back a better mother. A more happy and relaxed mother. A wild creature more capable of dealing with the entrapment of housework and the large-scale demands of children.

When my princesses grow up a bit, there will be a vast amount of wilderness they can explore with wild and untamed  Mommy. Sorry worried and well meaning other women - I think we're better of this way.